🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?