This Floating Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.
As we consider the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with woeful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third season began, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The laughably leaden writing? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, abuse claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which felt rather simplistic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Rather, the viewing was like reading a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We love the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
